Summer Wildcats

I (Anna) love keeping things comfy. High heels? Not so much for me. I'll wear them for presentations, but most of the time I like to rock my flats. In undergrad, I had a pair of extra large men's sweatpants that I wore after making the trek to the opposite side of campus during the cold winter months. They were thick. Too long. Tattered. And you guessed it, comfortable. By the time I started my Ph.D. work in Kentucky, I decided it might be nice to have an additional pair of super thick, too long, but oh-so-comfy sweatpants. Thus, I invested in the pants I lovingly call the "Wildcats."

The pants are infamous. My family in Kentucky expected me to change into them as soon as I got home (that's Jakey and Ty Samson with me above). My friends from school thought it was hilarious when I wore them to their homes for study sessions (or to the library. Yes, I was shameless enough to wear these in public!). My friends even pretended to hate them. But I know better.

The Wildcats got me through the Kentucky ice storm of 2009.
The power went out in my house for a whole week, so I stayed with 3 different friends; the majority of this time was spent at my friend, Rachel's. Thus, the Wildcats are associated with the cold, and sometimes I miss wearing them during the warmer months. Cue Rachel (pictured above acting "disgusted" by the Wildcats), who unexpectedly sent me the cutest pair of "summer" Wildcats! They're cut-off sweatpants.
I'm in love. I've been wearing them ever since I received them. Thanks, Rayray, for thinking of me and sending these all the way to MN. This is What Happy Women Do, which happens to be the title of our forthcoming book! It's about the rituals that sustain sisterhood. The ugly Wildcats instantly remind this group of friends of how close we are and how much fun we have together. Sometimes I miss them so much it makes me ache. Long live the Wildcats. Long live the bonds of sisterhood.

What rituals do you have with your "sisters" or close friends? Tell, tell.

Max

... is now 2!

Who's Max? Refresh your memory by perusing our blogs from one year ago when Max - a little guy who I (Carol) have been photographing since birth- celebrated 1 year of life.

Again, who's Max? Sorry. I can't tell.

We love Max.

Happy birthday, little dude. Hope you like your photos (and being blogged about by strange authors who like curly hair and big cheeks).

Jill and Kevin

Wow. They're fun AND generous. Jill and Kevin, the couple who danced down the aisle at their wedding, are announcing their support of the Sheila Wellstone Foundation, which combats domestic violence. Now we really want to be friends with them!

Here's the story: http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/52201597.html

I've noticed a curious trend ...

... in our family (Carol's). Can we call it a ritual? I'm not quite sure yet because I'm still discerning its symbolic significance. Maybe you can help.

Each time we travel and visit people around the globe we love so much, and those people happen to own and proudly show off an adorable pet, we - despite my insistence that we will "Never!" No! No. No way!" - get one too.

Two years ago, it was Belle (the 3 lb Yorkie) who inspired us to adopt Fred. Ah, Fred. My third child and favorite furry friend.

A few weeks ago it was MoMo (the 8 inch, 13 year old leopard Gecko) who motivated us to find and welcome Tiki into our home. With Tiki - our 8 month old leopard gecko - comes a whole new ritual: buying and storing live gut-loaded crickets, monitoring the temperature of this little guy's terrarium (his origins are Pakistan, and it tends to be moist and hot there), staying up late to see if he'll come out of his hut (he's nocturnal, of course) and shamelessly spouting gecko facts about the neighborhood gatherings.



Welcome, Tiki!




Oh my. What am I doing?!

I want to believe I'm teaching my children how to care for the animals (and reptiles) of the earth. Whatever the rationale, here's a warning to our far away friends with pets: we will not be visiting you any time soon.

Now This Looks Like a Happy Couple...

And a happy wedding party. Check out this video. It's worth the five minutes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

It appears as though they won't be needing any advice on how to turn up the joy in their marriage. Who said love and commitment needs to be serious all the time? They're celebrating in a way that is meaningful to them. And that, truly, is a loving thing. As one of my (Anna's) friends said on facebook, "Who are these people and can I be friends with them?" It's not entirely unlikely since they're from St. Paul, MN. Happy Couple, if you're out there reading this, we're interested in interviewing you!

It's all about (unexpected) reciprocity, baby.

I can't stop thinking about the woman named Kelly who was featured on our local NBC affiliate last night (it's Carol blogging-in today).

She's young. She's healthy. And she was about to celebrate her 7th wedding anniversary. But it didn't happen because her husband - the love of her life, talented painter, best friend - was killed in a car accident.



Very sad. Super sad. The whole story just made you (okay, me) want to bawl your eyes out.

Beyond the heart-wrenching details of his death and the aftermath, what touched me the most about their story was something this young widow said during the interview. The statement came as she described what their marriage was like; what she and her husband shared; why she missed him deeply every single second of the day and night. And what she said seems to me a succinct summary of the end-game/sum-total/tell-all (tell everyone!) secret to marital and individual happiness (and is similar - don't you think? - to the point we made in the "Happy Wife, Happy Life" blog post a few weeks ago):

"I just told him all the time how lucky we were. If your goal is to make someone else happy, and their goal is to make you happy, it probably doesn't get much better than that."

Profound!

What if all of us in relationships made a pact to make it our goal - every day - to make the other person happy knowing that they are doing the same for us?

So much happiness, we all might just bawl.

It's all about reciprocity, baby, without the expectation of such.

Why not give it a try? (And then, in the spirit of reciprocity, write in and tell us how it worked).

Finances + Rituals=Exponential Growth

I (Anna) had lunch with my dear friend and former college roommate, Emily, yesterday. Next weekend is her and her husband's one year anniversary. What a year it's been! They bought a beautiful home. And of course, grew together in every way a couple can and should. However, I was particularly inspired by one of the details she told me about their marriage. They have bi-weekly financial meetings. At these meetings, they evaluate whether or not they have reached their bi-weekly saving goals in each spending category. Then they set new goals for the upcoming two-week period. Brilliance! Her husband, Jeff, is the type who finds balancing their checkbook and organizing their finances FUN. Fun? "Not I" said the fly. But, yes, Jeff daily logs into Quicken to micro-manage their money with all the vigor and zeal he once devoted to his high school and college basketball career. Emily said the meetings had to officially be made "bi-weekly" so finances aren't a dinner table topic each night. He's even turned my big-spending Emily into a coupon clipper! Wow. Quite a transformation if you saw the countless new "going out" tops she purchased each week in college. They were stylish as can be, but expensive nonetheless (I loved it, though, because she let me borrow one of her "old" tops every Thursday night!). Those were the days.

For most Americans these days, finances are tight. And even if they aren't, isn't this a great way of coping with one of marriage's toughest topics?! It's what we all should be doing all of the time about all issues, not just money. Emily and Jeff aren't just investing in their financial future, they're staying connected on one of the issues that couples divorce over.

Congratulations, Em and Jeff, on one year of marriage and financial gain! Now I'm off to clip some coupons.

The Case of the Caprese Sandwich

Yesterday, I (Anna) was making lunch for myself and my husband, Brent. Lately we've been enjoying caprese sandwiches. Tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, fresh basil, and balsamic vinegar layered between two slices of Jewish rye bread. Delicious. We use our panini grill so the cheese sizzles as it oozes out the sides of the sandwich. Yesterday, though, we happened to only have two regular slices of bread and then two heels. As I delicately placed all the ingredients on each sandwich, I decided that I would give Brent the perfect sandwich made with the two regular slices and I would eat the sandwich comprised of the two heels. I got everything to the table, putting the "heel" sandwich at my seat and the other at Brent's. I went to pour myself a glass of milk and returned to my seat. Without looking down at the sandwich, I lifted it to my mouth for a big, juicy bite. "Wait a second," I said, "I was supposed to have the sandwich with the heels!" At the last minute, my very observant husband noticed I had the "heel" sandwich and switched with me. Neither of us wanted the other to have to eat the less desired sandwich!

This tiny but meaningful gesture changed my whole day. It also reminded me that people who keep their partner first on their minds and in their actions are so very satisfied. After that meal, I was nourished and nurtured. A very healthy combination. As Sandra Broyard says, "In the marriage that endures, there is no need for grandiosity." We couldn't agree more heartily.

Tweet, Tweet

Calling all twitterers. We're officially tweeting. Twitterverse, watch out! Our twitter name is "happycouples." Follow us for frequent updates on all things Carol and Anna.

The Fred Chronicles

Carol is away. And guess who is privileged enough to take care of her itty-bitty, cuddly-wuddly Yorkie, Fred? Me! And my dear hubby, too. We've been having such a blast with this fur-ball! On Friday we took him to a cookout where he saw his long-lost friend, Boulder. Everyone raved about how cute Fred was, "he's so endearing!" and "I don't even like small dogs, but this little guy is so fun and adorable!"

On Saturday, we took him to another cookout with Brent's family.




He hung out with Brent's twin cousins, Brooke and Bridget.



And became the surrogate pet of the band, TelluRide. Brent's uncle, Jeff Catton, is their manager and they are in Minnesota playing some tunes. They're extremely nice guys who played baseball in the park with the cousins and roasted marshmallows outside with us. Check out the band: http://www.myspace.com/tellurideband

Band member, Jimmy, became a huge Fred fan. He carried him around for most the night and threatened to trade Fred for his dog at home!


Don't worry, Carol, we brought him home in one piece. He was quite tuckered out, though. Be warned. You might have to pry him away from Brent's chest!

We Love the Rain

I (Anna) spent an extended Father's day weekend in NYC visiting my brother Mike and his wife Jill. New York has seen lots of rain this past month, some of which we were able to enjoy over the weekend. As astute readers may have noticed, Carol and I fittingly dedicated our second book, What Happy Parents Do, to our own parents. On the dedication page, I thanked my parents for teaching me to love the rain.

The little phrase, "we love the rain," holds significance to me and my family on many levels. We do, quite literally, love the rain. When it storms we often step out on my parents' huge front porch to take in the the beauty of lightning and sheets of rain. This love, however, is something we have learned through experiences. One in particular.

When I was a child we took a trip to Boston and went to a baseball game. It rained "cats and dogs." So, we ended up purchasing large, blue plastic ponchos to keep dry. Rather than allowing the rain to ruin one of our favorite "American pastimes" we created a song while stomping in the puddles: "We love the rain!" (sung in a clever/unique tune, sung over and over again). As newer family members join and hear this story, they ask: "Where are all the lyrics?" My sister-in-law, Jill, and 3 year old nephew, Jacob, have attempted some very fine lyrics; we're hoping to add them to our legendary song. Soon.

On another level, we believe "loving the rain" is the equivalent to embracing life for all it offers. The good. Bad. Sad. Fun. Ugly. Tragic. Beautiful. Wet!

We love the rain, indeed.

Happy belated father's day.

Synergy

It's something I (Anna) depend upon for survival. Especially while I'm working. It's 1,000% more effective than caffeine, I'll tell you that much. There's just something about the energy derived from people focused on similar goals. Synergy is one of the many reasons I adore my friends from the University of Kentucky and the experiences we shared together. And I can't help but find myself yearning for my fellow "synergists" from Kentucky. We'd find our spot in the library (one of my favorite places on earth) and work, work, work. And somehow we'd laugh, laugh, laugh our way to productivity. Check out my darling friends, Rachel and Shades, discussing a paper idea in William T. Young library.




And me. And Kelley. And my unpictured but not forgotten UK besties.




These days I'm craving synergy like I usually crave chocolate. Thank goodness for Carol! The energy she feeds me is priceless and unstoppable. I'm also reminding myself that marriages are also a perfect place to ignite some synergy. As John Gottman has found in his brilliant research on healthy and happy marriage, positivity begets more positivity. That's synergy, folks! And I'm on my way to finding more as I continue my transition back to Minneapolis.