How do you "say" I love you?

Many of the ritual stories we receive reveal adorable expressions of couples, kids, parents, grandparents, sisters, uncles, and best friends who find creative, private, and/or unique ways of saying "I like you." "I love you." and/or "I'm glad you're in my life."

How do you "say" as much to someone special in your life? Do you surprise your spouse by filling up her gas tank on a frigid winter day? Do you leave loving little notes by the coffee pot? Maybe you bake your best friend a batch of gooey monster cookies -- for no particular reason? Or send your college-aged kid a care package overflowing with peanut M&Ms, his cherished childhood treat? Or have a saying, word, or hand gesture that privately means "I love you" .. an expression just between the two of you?

Do tell! These are kinds of small but significant rituals in all of our lives ... and we'd love to hear about yours!

A China-Free Challenge

The Bruess family recently participated in a China-Free Challenge. What's that? Check out the video.

Bad Dreams, Najla, and Caramel Corn

Anna and I just returned from a few days in Chicago (yes, we drove by Oprah's studio ... still waiting for her to call!) attending the national communication association conference. Besides taking in a few new theories, networking with a bunch of other people who talk and teach about talking, and presenting a few papers ourselves (about rituals and marriage, of course ... as well as about teaching courses in family and interpersonal communication), the best part of the trip was meeting, eating with, and sipping a few chocolate martinis with my new friend Najla (one of Anna's best graduate school friends!) Okay, so can you get any more charming than Najla? No. Can you get any smarter? No chance. Can you be any funnier or more down-to-earth? No way. The mother of 4 boys (sainthood, anyone?), Najla is a funny and witty conversationalist, super smart (did I already say that?), and -- our favorite quality about her -- real. Yep, she's a real, soulful person.

Here are the other highlights (and lowlights) of the conference. You decide which are which:

* A guy on the elevator at the Hilton is so interested in What Happy Couples Do (Anna happened to be holding a copy) that he refuses to get off on his floor and continues to ride the elevator up to ours ("I'll just take another ride back down...") to hear more about it!
* Anna gets caramel corn -- Carol's most favorite food in the world -- from the most famous caramel corn maker in the world (Garrett's) but eats it all before she returns! What?!
* Chicago style pizza.
* Carol (why am I disclosing this?) has a really bad dream and wakes up Najla and Anna at 4:45 a.m. Saturday morning with -- as they report -- a 3-tiered scream that sounded much like a bad voice lesson.
* $8 bowls of oatmeal
* Seeing old graduate school friends (... is that a highlight or lowlight?)
* Hotels with 2 bathrooms per room.
* Mark Orbe (you continue to energize me with your vision!)
* Chocolate Martinis (yes, they are worth mentioning twice).
* Oxford University Press (gotta love Peter).
* Rich West and Lynn Turner (please stop writing such brilliant and engaging textbooks ... so Orbe and Bruess will sell more copies!)
* Big & ugly blue name badges (with zippers that hold lip gloss and cell phones, at the same time).
* A conference program that you would easily mistake for a chemistry textbook. Who makes 6 lb programs? Better question: Who reads them?

If I disclose any more, I might get in trouble. Happy Day of Giving Thanks, everyone!

A Pretty (Cool) Pram ...

... graces the cover of our next book (What Happy Parents Do: The Loving Little Rituals of a Childproof Marriage)! And who is pushing the pram? Wait until you see! It's adorable. Loving. Happy. In this one image the artist captures "what happy parents do" with simplicity and complexity in this luscious design. And do you know who's responsible? Yep, it's Steve (our editor, for those of you new to this blog).

For those who aren't new to our blog posts, do you think we blog too much about our editor, Steve Deger? If so, oh well. We love him. He, once again, deserves a big happy hug for commissioning and directing the original art (and being patient with our chase for just the right color scheme, only to come back to the ones he first proposed) for the next cover. If anyone knows how to shriek via e-mail, it's Anna and me (in response to Steve's latest good news and/or great ideas!) And indeed, he's done it again. Can't wait to show you the insides (and outsides) of book #2 (which we'll post on our website soon. So stay tuned)!

Happy Birthday, Carol!

For 39 years, the world has benefitted from Carol's amazing ways. And today, on her birthday, I've (Anna) got to publicly state: Carol, you're the best!

Carol has made many lives (especially mine!) more joyful, peaceful, meaningful, organized, and simply better. Nearly every day I'm compelled to say, "How does she do it?" while watching her as a mom, wife, professor, researcher, colleague, co-author, friend, athlete, seamstress, card designer, photographer, and cookie baker! Who else can successfully fulfill all of these roles with such grace and style? Carol, everyone would agree, you're something else. Enjoy your birthday!

Tay-Tay Wompy and BillyBob Barefoot

What a hoot! Students in my (Carol's) Family Communication course the other day went around and shared their nicknames (those loving terms of endearment bestowed by or on family members, friends, and significant others). We were discussing the way private language -- everything from those quirky nicknames to those phrases that have meaning just between friends and intimates -- serves incredibly important functions in relationships. And, to almost no one's surprise, we discovered that most of us take these terms, names, and creations for granted.

We also discovered that students in our class possess some incredibly creative nicknames, such as:

BillyBob Barefoot, Brown Sound, Keebs, Crisco, Schnitzle, Sr. Rantz Alot, Itty Bitty, Light-els, Shellyn, Twiglet, Pancakes, Scout, Shreck, Annie Margo, Taylor Womp Womp (or Tay-Tay Wompy), Buddah, and Blade of Grass. Others shared the wacky and intriguing details of a completely private language between friends (they call it their "Choo" language), using the term "oodabotchie" when rough-housing needs to end, and employing two claps followed by a stomp (of the foot) to indicate an attractive guy is near (!)

What a hoot, eh?

Take a moment to share (via "comment" below or "share your stories" on our main website) your nickname(s), private codes, and/or personalized ways of communicating. Don't worry, it's anonymous!

Family Matters

For a little peek into Carol's home and family life (the inspiration for her life's work) check out the fall catalogue/magazine of Minneapolis design company Room and Board (visit www.roomandboard.com for an online glance). You will, no doubt, notice that Room and Board chose to feature one of Carol and Brian's favorite Sunday rituals!

Without question, family matters (more than anything else) to both of us!

Can You Hum The Tune ...

... for "Who Wrote the Book of Love"? We can (have been all day) after a singing telegram (yes, someone still does those!) was delivered at Carol's door this morning at 9 a.m. (yes, today is Saturday) by an adorable (okay, let's just call him VERY handsome) young man in a top hat and tails (yes, a full tuxedo and tall gorgeous top hat!) singing "Who Wrote the Book of Love .."

Why? Because he was holding the very first copies of What Happy Couples Do (Yes!!! A first glimpse at our new baby)!

Who else, but Steve Deger (our editor at Fairview Press), would craft such a thoughtful and creative introduction to our firstborn book? Who else would treat us, two first-time authors, with such loving attention? Yep -- that's Steve. Maybe it's the makings of a new ritual? (no pressure, Steve).

Oh, and our book? It's absolutely dreamy (can't wait to show you all)! Yes, we're living a dream. Please don't wake us up.

Will You Marry Me?

So many happy couples have told us, in interviews and surveys over the past 15 years, how the way they were engaged inspired one (or more) of their marriage rituals down the road! If the proposal happened over chinese food, all future anniversary celebrations include egg rolls and fried rice. Or if a proposal happened in a church, they recite the story each time they attend or drive by, paying homage to where "they" began (see story linked below, published last week in the Milwaukee Sentinel, about how Carol's husband proposed at a church in Athens, Ohio!)

The article in the Sentinel made us wonder how couples develop rituals out of the wildly creative (and expensive) proposals many couples currently experience? The story: Upsizing the Proposal: Popping The Question Means Engaging All of Your Resources, makes us even more curious about how proposals might predict (or inspire) marriage rituals.

check it out:
http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=676369

Then tell us your proposal story (whether it is sweet and simple or large and luxurious!) ... as well as if (& how) you celebrate those first beginnings in something you do currently as a family or couple?!

Picture This

Why is it that we are willing to spend so much energy, time (and money!) having our babies, toddlers, and graduating seniors captured in professional photographs yet we almost never (after our wedding day) have our coupleness -- our marriages -- documented in a similar way? All of us who have kids know that we have (countless) photographs of our kids on their first day of school, on their birthdays, of their special events (piano recitals) and of the mundane moments (rolling in the leaves). Why don't we, as couples, create a yearly ritual of having ourselves -- our loving culture of two -- documented in the same way?

One of my (Carol's) favorite photographers (and people!) of all time is Claire Kayser (www.clairekayser.com). Her photography and spirit will inspire you -- if you're not already -- to go ahead and develop such a ritual. Invest in your marriage. Document its legacy. If you don't, who will?

What Loving Grandparents Do.

We've been noticing lately the truly tremendous way grandparents serve as models for loving little rituals that create bonds between the generations. Check this one out, a ritual of Anna's parents and their first (and only -- so far) grandson Jacob:

Every Sunday grandma and grandpa have an "appointment" with their grandson. They call him "the little professor" because he appears to be keeping "office hours" at the dinner table, where he sits in his high chair eating his dinner and chatting adoringly with the webcam his parents have set up nearby. Grandma and grandpa ask questions about his day in sheer delight as they visually (virtually) absorb his smiles, giggles, and wiggles. Jacob, in response, tells stories, asks questions, and often pretends to "feed Papa John," holding his fork up to the camera while grandpa opens wide.

What better way is there for grandparents to hangout with their one (and only) grandchild who lives states away?

Are you a happy grandparent? Do you have rituals of connection with your grandkids? If so, tell us about them!

OMG!

That's exactly what Anna and I (Carol) said today when we saw the first round of designs for our second book (August, 2008, Fairview Press): What Happy Couples Do (After Becoming Parents Too). The colors, design, and layouts are stunning. Gorgeous. Vintage yet contemporary. Simple yet sophisticated. Playful yet powerful. OMG (Oh My Gosh)! Can't wait to show you all.