Here I (Anna) am, 23 weeks pregnant. The baby is happily bouncing around as I type, which always makes me pause and smile. I can't believe how fast it's going (although I realize I might be changing my tune when I'm nearing 40 weeks). I find myself caught in the classic "dialectical tension," as we call it in communication, of feeling torn between clinging to the predictability of my life as I know it and the novelty of what's to come in a few months. I'm concurrently frightened and ecstatic! Below are the questions that keep popping up in my mind--as they might for all expecting parents--about my upcoming new role as mother:
1. Will I still love my work? Right now I adore conducting research and teaching. I actually look forward to doing my work. Will my "work" become more of a "job" when I become a mother?
2. Will my husband and I struggle to find our joint "parenting style?" Or will we agree on most ways to parent?
3. Will I experience the love that everyone describes they have for their children?
4. Will my view of the world change? My thoughts on politics? Religion?
5. Will I still like my regular television shows like How I Met Your Mother and Gossip Girl? It just doesn't seem "momish" to watch these shows. Which leads to question 6...
6. Will I finally feel like a "grownup?"
7. I intend to remain connected with all the amazing friends I've made through the years. Will it be harder than I think it will be? Will they accept me as a mother?
8. Will my baby be as fun(ny), smart, and cute as my nephews? I'm wondering if it's even possible!
9. How will I ever survive without sleep?
10. Will my husband and I still laugh multiple times a day? Will we practice what Carol and I preach by maintaining or adapting our meaningful rituals?
I won't know the answer to these questions until February and beyond. For now, though, I'll keep pondering them, trying to remain present in the uncertainty (and excitement!) a change like this brings.
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2 comments:
anna banana, question 6 is my personal fav because i think that question everytime i reach another milestone! and for the record, you've had LOTS of practice surviving without sleep. perhaps God's used the horrific sleeplessness of grad school to prepare you for this new life journey :)
You're right, Lyss, our late nights studying in the conference room have served me in so many ways. With knowledge, friendship, and parenting preparation! Thanks for your avid readership, my friend.
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